UGH!!!!

Even after I have graduated and am no longer part of this hell hole, I am still bothered by idiots who mis-manage their money and blame me. Stupid C.T. attacks me, and makes it MY fault that she hasn' paid. People like her should be dropped off on some far away island of the Sasquatchs and leave me the hell alone. Every time you point the finger at me, there are 3 pointed right back at you, stupid ninny.

The end of 3rd semester.

I really thought that this would have been a tougher semester mentally or brain-wise. But it all seemed like the pieces were falling into place. I was able to understand what-where-why-how. Which makes me feel more competent as a nurse. But even better was the ability to trust my instincts. To know if something seems right or wrong. Like an MD prescribing a beta-blocker for an A-fib pt, calling him on it, and then him admitting the error. I love that the 'dots are connecting.' I am also so excited that even though I could have gone to San Bernardino for my RN, I did not and it turns out that was a good thing. There have been so many nurses and charge nurses and even San Bernardino students saying that no one hires them b/c they are not proficient.
Anyway- the challenge this semester has been personal issues. Remembering my dad, dealing with stress, dealing with new insurance, and of course migraines. Always migraines. With a good review I have realized that I do have an idea of what I am doing. Well, enough of that...
Time to study for my final test for Med-Surg.

Tired

Ok, so whatever it is about the Hospital, it makes me so dang tired. I just have no energy. Hopefully this will pass.

So yea.

What was the last thing that I wrote about? Who knows.
Nursing has got to be one of those professions that you have to love 90% of the time or your life will be miserable. I am glad that up to this point I have loved it. There are days that stink; that goes without saying I am sure.
Such a day occurred just last week. In class we were covering Diabetes. And those who do not know, my father had that disease. While in class we are discussing not only what happens in the body with diabetes but also what can happen if unchecked. So needless to say we went over everything that my father did wrong and how he more or less hurried the process along. Mind you, in the middle of class is no place to have a break down. For one, you don't want people to see you at a weak moment. And two, who knows what the instructors will think and therefore try and use against you.
So before I lose it all, I quietly escape to the nearest restroom and before I can even open the door my eyes are cloudy with tears and a small whine escapes me. Of course I am not alone, some poor girl was in there and came out of a stall completely scared out of her mind. She kept asking if I was ok as she grabbed tissue (after washing her hands) and quietly left.
The thing that sucked the most was that there was nowhere to just sit and cry, public bathrooms should have at least somewhere to sit for the ladies. Grabbing the tissue my friendly stranger gave me, I gathered myself and headed back into the classroom with no one the wiser.
So why do I write this? Mainly because I need to keep those moments alive. So that the next time it happens, I am not startled. I know I can work through it.
Moving on to more fun things... My clinical rotation this semester is going to be on telemetry. And having my first day on was absolutely amazing. Even after putting my brain on pause, I was still able to get back into the swing of things. I was able to start recalling meds, concepts, disease processes, and many more. I actually felt like I knew what I was doing.
Learning heart rhythms have been my down fall though. Oh well, it will come to me. I am so excited that this semester I get to suction, trach care, start IV's, and chest tube care, and many more that I really can't remember. So here comes the exciting new semester where I get to feel validated and start to think that I am a new nurse.
Whoop whoop.

My day in the Newborn Nursery

I was supposed to be in the OR watching C-sections (c/s), however due to (d/t) the moon or whatever, there was only 2. Normally Friday is a VERY busy day. Not this friday. One of the c/s we were unable to see b/c the father didn't want students in the OR. Whatever!!! Its not like we were doing anything... we literally just watch and try not to get in the way. Oh well, dad is a jerk. So the next one was preterm twins. The NICU was there, and so was the specialty Doc for the little ones. I watched the birth of these two beautiful babies and I thought to myself, 'Wow, that was such a beautiful thing." And it was. One baby did really well, the other needed to be intubated. It was so great that they were able to save them. They both are in NICU one for observation the other just a few days until it's lungs can breathe on their own. It was so crazy to watch these teams do what they needed for these small ones. As I watched them do all the resuscitation and assessments I was trying my best not to cry. I really think that this is where I want to be. Watching the little blue bodies become pink in just a few seconds and helping those babies live, man that would be the BEST. I honestly believe that NICU is my calling.
Later on I was able to sit with babies in the nursery and just snuggle and feed them. I love holding those little ones. I was sitting in a rocker, looked at my fellow student and said, 'man I love this, it almost makes me want one... almost.' It was amazing to see the little differences in attitude between the babies. I think it is so precious. Even more precious was the fact that I was able to clock out at 1530, and go home to sleep. So I am loving the idea of graduating and going into postpartum care, then onto NICU. So here I come little ones...

The Miracle of Birth.

Had my first day of L&D, and wow did it bring back memories. I actually had to leave a room because I was remembering it all so vividly and was getting a little weak in the knees. I was actually able to help with the delivery of a baby, I mean holding up legs and counting. It was pretty awesome to feel like I was actually doing something other than sitting around like a dufus. Well I was able to see one natural birth and one c-section. Both were pretty cool, however, the C/S was pretty barbaric looking. Although, I had no clue what a C/S was all about. Or the method they use. So I was in for a surprise when that whole business went down. So maybe one day if I think that I am bored with NICU and need to find another place to go I can look into L&D? Oh well, time for bed so that I can get up early for that stinking 'Nursing Process Paper' that I love so much.

Moving on to more 'exciting' things.

I passed the second semester of Med/surg (just barely). I was told that my CP's sounded as if I were distracted and I failed the final but had enough cushion to pass the class c 2 points to spare. I really think that I get so dang bored c med/surg that I just check out. I know that I shouldn't but taking care of the same type of pt day in and day out gets a little mundane, even if it's only 1 day a wk. I also had my mom and sister in town as a surprise. It was great to see them but I must admit that it was a huge distraction. I really didn't get a chance to study worth a darn b/c I was much more interested in seeing my mom and sis. Oh well, I live and learn. Next time, no family. I don't care if I haven't seen them in years, I just can't have all that going on. Anywho...
I have my new clinical rotation starting this week the big OB. I am excited and at the same time a bit afraid. I know it shouldn't be that big of a deal since I have gone through it 3 times myself, but it's different when I was at the head and not at the business end of it all. I hope that I am able to handle it. Remembering what it was like and ignoring those memories is what is going to be the hard part. I just hope that it gives me a curve since I know what it's like. Most women in my class have never had a child. So it is very interesting to see the knowledge deficit.
So here I come, pretending that I know what I am doing. Wish me luck.