The first semester.

My first semester really wasn't a true semester. It was more like the CNA program. Where we learned basic patient (pt) care, like bed-baths and bed making. It was only 9 weeks and it flew by. Not much to learn but enough to keep us busy. The first REAL semester was this last semester. There was theory, clinicals, care plan class, and the infamous lab hours. (48 seperate hours mandated by the program to be completed by the end of the semester.) There was so much to learn and to do. It was just amazing how well I was taking all the new change. I was getting good grades in theory and really starting to understand pt care. Then here comes the many break downs of vehicles, flaky babysitters, horrible babysitters, and wonderful traffic. With all this my grades aren't great but still good. But gratefully my pt care never suffered. So with a heavy hand from an instructor that unfortunately knew too much about me, I barely pass my first semester. Now faculty with (c) a preconceived idea of who/what kind of student I am, I am anxious to start this next semester. Not to mention that the heaviness of my own obligations are weighing on my shoulders. I am too scared to even function at this point. I want to leave it all behind; but I want to finish it out. I am so torn. This is all I have ever wanted. I knew that at some point I would get married, have kids, buy a home, etc, etc. But my first and only thought was being a nurse. It is ingrained into who I am. Just as being a mother and a wife is ingrained into who I am. So I am at a crossroad, do I continue my calling to be a nurse to save lives and to heal all those who need a hand? At the cost of an unclean home and little less c my children? Or do my obligations to my family take precedence and put my own desires aside? There is the dilemma. So c the grace of God, I will have my answer soon.

The back story...

For those who have no idea about the road I have taken, this is what I have been through...
It all starts back when I was a kid, I always wanted to be a pediatric doctor. It went as far as knowing by 6th grade that I wanted to go to Cal State San Bernardino for undergrade, UNLV for pre med, and Stanford as Med student. Well, I wised up in high school and realized that Nursing was where my heart truely lay. I had a plan, by best friend and I would do our best in school and get into San Bernardino's nursing program. We were following our plan; taking the classes focusing on sciences, getting good grades. And then life happened, I concieved my first born in the last few months of senior year. I stayed in my small town to raise my heaven sent gift and my best friend continued through school. I started my college road a year later than the rest of my classmates, but I was determined. I took evening courses at part time status. It took me 5 years to do the prerequisite courses (most do it in 2). I applied to the nursing program at a college 40 minutes from my home, because it was one of the best schools around. So here was one of the most exciting things that I have ever heard, "Welcome to the ADN program. Say good-bye to your family for the next 2 years." How funny they should say that... And so the journey begins.