The first semester.

My first semester really wasn't a true semester. It was more like the CNA program. Where we learned basic patient (pt) care, like bed-baths and bed making. It was only 9 weeks and it flew by. Not much to learn but enough to keep us busy. The first REAL semester was this last semester. There was theory, clinicals, care plan class, and the infamous lab hours. (48 seperate hours mandated by the program to be completed by the end of the semester.) There was so much to learn and to do. It was just amazing how well I was taking all the new change. I was getting good grades in theory and really starting to understand pt care. Then here comes the many break downs of vehicles, flaky babysitters, horrible babysitters, and wonderful traffic. With all this my grades aren't great but still good. But gratefully my pt care never suffered. So with a heavy hand from an instructor that unfortunately knew too much about me, I barely pass my first semester. Now faculty with (c) a preconceived idea of who/what kind of student I am, I am anxious to start this next semester. Not to mention that the heaviness of my own obligations are weighing on my shoulders. I am too scared to even function at this point. I want to leave it all behind; but I want to finish it out. I am so torn. This is all I have ever wanted. I knew that at some point I would get married, have kids, buy a home, etc, etc. But my first and only thought was being a nurse. It is ingrained into who I am. Just as being a mother and a wife is ingrained into who I am. So I am at a crossroad, do I continue my calling to be a nurse to save lives and to heal all those who need a hand? At the cost of an unclean home and little less c my children? Or do my obligations to my family take precedence and put my own desires aside? There is the dilemma. So c the grace of God, I will have my answer soon.