The end of 3rd semester.

I really thought that this would have been a tougher semester mentally or brain-wise. But it all seemed like the pieces were falling into place. I was able to understand what-where-why-how. Which makes me feel more competent as a nurse. But even better was the ability to trust my instincts. To know if something seems right or wrong. Like an MD prescribing a beta-blocker for an A-fib pt, calling him on it, and then him admitting the error. I love that the 'dots are connecting.' I am also so excited that even though I could have gone to San Bernardino for my RN, I did not and it turns out that was a good thing. There have been so many nurses and charge nurses and even San Bernardino students saying that no one hires them b/c they are not proficient.
Anyway- the challenge this semester has been personal issues. Remembering my dad, dealing with stress, dealing with new insurance, and of course migraines. Always migraines. With a good review I have realized that I do have an idea of what I am doing. Well, enough of that...
Time to study for my final test for Med-Surg.

Tired

Ok, so whatever it is about the Hospital, it makes me so dang tired. I just have no energy. Hopefully this will pass.

So yea.

What was the last thing that I wrote about? Who knows.
Nursing has got to be one of those professions that you have to love 90% of the time or your life will be miserable. I am glad that up to this point I have loved it. There are days that stink; that goes without saying I am sure.
Such a day occurred just last week. In class we were covering Diabetes. And those who do not know, my father had that disease. While in class we are discussing not only what happens in the body with diabetes but also what can happen if unchecked. So needless to say we went over everything that my father did wrong and how he more or less hurried the process along. Mind you, in the middle of class is no place to have a break down. For one, you don't want people to see you at a weak moment. And two, who knows what the instructors will think and therefore try and use against you.
So before I lose it all, I quietly escape to the nearest restroom and before I can even open the door my eyes are cloudy with tears and a small whine escapes me. Of course I am not alone, some poor girl was in there and came out of a stall completely scared out of her mind. She kept asking if I was ok as she grabbed tissue (after washing her hands) and quietly left.
The thing that sucked the most was that there was nowhere to just sit and cry, public bathrooms should have at least somewhere to sit for the ladies. Grabbing the tissue my friendly stranger gave me, I gathered myself and headed back into the classroom with no one the wiser.
So why do I write this? Mainly because I need to keep those moments alive. So that the next time it happens, I am not startled. I know I can work through it.
Moving on to more fun things... My clinical rotation this semester is going to be on telemetry. And having my first day on was absolutely amazing. Even after putting my brain on pause, I was still able to get back into the swing of things. I was able to start recalling meds, concepts, disease processes, and many more. I actually felt like I knew what I was doing.
Learning heart rhythms have been my down fall though. Oh well, it will come to me. I am so excited that this semester I get to suction, trach care, start IV's, and chest tube care, and many more that I really can't remember. So here comes the exciting new semester where I get to feel validated and start to think that I am a new nurse.
Whoop whoop.

My day in the Newborn Nursery

I was supposed to be in the OR watching C-sections (c/s), however due to (d/t) the moon or whatever, there was only 2. Normally Friday is a VERY busy day. Not this friday. One of the c/s we were unable to see b/c the father didn't want students in the OR. Whatever!!! Its not like we were doing anything... we literally just watch and try not to get in the way. Oh well, dad is a jerk. So the next one was preterm twins. The NICU was there, and so was the specialty Doc for the little ones. I watched the birth of these two beautiful babies and I thought to myself, 'Wow, that was such a beautiful thing." And it was. One baby did really well, the other needed to be intubated. It was so great that they were able to save them. They both are in NICU one for observation the other just a few days until it's lungs can breathe on their own. It was so crazy to watch these teams do what they needed for these small ones. As I watched them do all the resuscitation and assessments I was trying my best not to cry. I really think that this is where I want to be. Watching the little blue bodies become pink in just a few seconds and helping those babies live, man that would be the BEST. I honestly believe that NICU is my calling.
Later on I was able to sit with babies in the nursery and just snuggle and feed them. I love holding those little ones. I was sitting in a rocker, looked at my fellow student and said, 'man I love this, it almost makes me want one... almost.' It was amazing to see the little differences in attitude between the babies. I think it is so precious. Even more precious was the fact that I was able to clock out at 1530, and go home to sleep. So I am loving the idea of graduating and going into postpartum care, then onto NICU. So here I come little ones...

The Miracle of Birth.

Had my first day of L&D, and wow did it bring back memories. I actually had to leave a room because I was remembering it all so vividly and was getting a little weak in the knees. I was actually able to help with the delivery of a baby, I mean holding up legs and counting. It was pretty awesome to feel like I was actually doing something other than sitting around like a dufus. Well I was able to see one natural birth and one c-section. Both were pretty cool, however, the C/S was pretty barbaric looking. Although, I had no clue what a C/S was all about. Or the method they use. So I was in for a surprise when that whole business went down. So maybe one day if I think that I am bored with NICU and need to find another place to go I can look into L&D? Oh well, time for bed so that I can get up early for that stinking 'Nursing Process Paper' that I love so much.

Moving on to more 'exciting' things.

I passed the second semester of Med/surg (just barely). I was told that my CP's sounded as if I were distracted and I failed the final but had enough cushion to pass the class c 2 points to spare. I really think that I get so dang bored c med/surg that I just check out. I know that I shouldn't but taking care of the same type of pt day in and day out gets a little mundane, even if it's only 1 day a wk. I also had my mom and sister in town as a surprise. It was great to see them but I must admit that it was a huge distraction. I really didn't get a chance to study worth a darn b/c I was much more interested in seeing my mom and sis. Oh well, I live and learn. Next time, no family. I don't care if I haven't seen them in years, I just can't have all that going on. Anywho...
I have my new clinical rotation starting this week the big OB. I am excited and at the same time a bit afraid. I know it shouldn't be that big of a deal since I have gone through it 3 times myself, but it's different when I was at the head and not at the business end of it all. I hope that I am able to handle it. Remembering what it was like and ignoring those memories is what is going to be the hard part. I just hope that it gives me a curve since I know what it's like. Most women in my class have never had a child. So it is very interesting to see the knowledge deficit.
So here I come, pretending that I know what I am doing. Wish me luck.

OR... again.

I went to the OR for the second time, and mostly it was the same ol' thing. BUT, I did get to see a brain surgery. I had wanted to watch either a brain or cardiac surgery since finding out we were going to or. I got my chance, and man was it something. I like to believe that I have a pretty strong stomach and can handle a great many things. Brain surgery is NOT one of them.
I can not honestly pinpoint what it was that made me so queasy but something definitely made me hit the floor (figuratively, not literally, although almost literally). Was it the pt who was so confused who was fighting c all the surg techs and anesthesiologist? Or was it the drill that they used? Or was it the insanely fast procedure that lasted a whole 15 minutes from cut to suture? I still am not sure. All I know is that I was not feeling too well, sat down on the stool and then feeling someone's hand on my shoulder say, 'Are you ok?' I was flushed, shaking, and sweating admist the freezing surgical room. Of course the surgeon looks at me and raises an eyebrow and says, 'you sure you ok?' Now I am thinking, 'oh great make a spectical of yourself DURING A SURGERY!' Oh I convince them all that I am just fine, even though the rest of the time all the nurses are watching me at the corner of their eye just in case I end up flat on my face.
I saw an open surgery prior in the day, lots of blood, body cavity wide open, no big deal. This person has cancer and was getting a lot of curative procedures but to just make life a little more comfortable while she waits for the cancer to take her. I also saw an adult circumscision (weird) c (another) vasectomy. It's amazing how much blood was lost in that surgery. At any rate, surgery doesn't usually bother me. I am honestly thinking about going into that just to keep me on my toes. But never again brain surgery... oh never again, now I am curious how I will handle cardiac... hmm.

A Hazard to Your Health.

"I'm sure the reason such young nitwits are produced in our schools is because they have no contact with anything of any use in everyday life."

Petronius (d. circa 66 CE) The Satyricon

"Education is the process which makes one rogue cleverer than another." -Oscar Wilde

I found some quotes and these were the two that made me laugh out loud. I agree wholly. I really used to think that I was something special for going to school. And as I continue through this crap fest known as school, I realize I know so little. I really don't think I will ever know enough, and even if that gives me drive to learn more and to always pursue more education, it will never make me wiser. To be wise, I must live, and you can't get wise sitting in a 20x20 room listening to someone who thinks they know it all. They may know more, but they do not know all. But anyway.
I being a good student, finished my paper with time to spare, turned it in and closed the computer. Walked away with a GIANT headache. So, not only is education a waste to be wise, but also hazardous to my health. Literally, school gave me a migraine. Go figure. So try to lay still and not move, does it work? Nope, here come the heavy drugs to knock me out and get me healthy again. It takes all night to be healed from the atrocities of school. Oh well. A piece of paper I need to obtain for some person to say I am smart enough.
I am in a very bad mood.

The OR

So I had a day of observation in the OR this last week. By the time I was dressed in the official pink surgical scrubs (yes pink, and yes official) there was an ENT surgery and a robotic surgery. One of the other students took the ortho surgery. So I spoke up and took the robot surgery. However, as I walked down the hallway in all my garb I went to walk into the 'antiroom,' which is fancy talk for the wash room just outside the room, I was turned away by the Doc. Yea that was totally disheartening. I thought I was such a loser. So I went back to the office and asked them what to do, and oh was the charge nurse upset that he told me no. But she had me watch a gallbladder removal.
I think I handled the first surgery pretty well, after the surgeon made the first cut he cauterized the area so there was almost no blood, it was crazy! But I was not prepared for the smell. Oh I almost threw up. It is by far one of the most disgusting smells I have ever had the displeasure of knowing. I asked the nurse if you ever get used to the smell, and she said 'oh no.' The surgery had only three small holes that were sutured and had 3 bandaids. That was it. It was nuts how little damage there is to this, and it was only an hour long!
Now the most exciting by far, the robot. The nurse lead me into the room, and told the Doc that I was going to stay and watch and he said it was fine. So as I made my way to the corner, the Doc came to me and said, "sorry I kicked you out before, we just had too many people in here during the pyelogram (an xray for kidney) and there just wasn't room, but its ok for you to stay now." Then the surgeon came over and asked if I was the nursing student and when I confirmed he told me to come over and look into the machine that he was working with. Without going into boring detail of every little thing, it was amazing to see the machine. The surg controls the robot from 5 feet away! He isn't even scrubbed in. The robot has 3 arms, 2 to do the actual surgery and 1 for the camera. The surgeon has control over all of it. Watching this machine work was just incredible. It kind of looked like a crab, or half of one I guess. The pt went under some extensive reconstruction of the kidney, and when it was all done he had 3 bandaids and one 4x4 of gauze. It is so amazing what technology can do these days. How great that major surgeries can have such little trauma to the pt.
At any rate, I love the OR. I didn't think I would but I do love it. So that is something to think about when I graduate.

Fun times come from the weirdest places...

I had so much fun the last clinical shift. I was able to hang piggyback IV, inserted a Foley. And helped c 4 pts. I can't tell you how exciting it is! I did do more, but those two things were the most exciting. It was my first time for both. Practice and reality are so completely different, duh, but you don't realize how much. So it was amazing. Didn't do all my charting, but I was able to get all my info for the cp (care plan). At the end of shift I had the worst pain in my feet and in my back. Still working c the idea of raising the bed. I think I deserve a nice massage and spa day. I had one pt tell me that I was really good at my job. When I told her thank you and that I love it, she said to me, 'I can tell, it shows.' So it is reassuring that I do care for my pts and they know that by the care I give them.
I was able to get my NANDAs before I went to bed which helped a great deal when it came down to doing my cp the next day. Thank God for by best friend who is also a nursing student and at the end of her program, she pretty much told me all the NANDAs. My dear hubby went shooting in the AM and left me c kids and my paper to do... yea I finished c literally 2 minutes to spare b4 it was due. That will NEVER happen again. I can't believe he really did that. Oh well. It was done, probably not the best paper, andit could have been better, but I finished. That is what counts.

First time is the hardest time...

This is the hardest part of nursing... the loss of a life. A pt died on the floor, and though it was not my pt, it was still hard to take. How crazy that we come on the floor, eager and ready to sustain life and to have it leave that quick. A fellow student was the one that was caring for the pt. And tho it was not anyone's fault for the death, it was still sad. The family didn't have time to even make it to the hospital in time. The pt passed without anyone there, not even a nurse in the room. Understanding the circumstances of her passing away really doesn't make it any better. My poor classmate had to actually bag and move the body. So, how does it feel when it is your pt? I know that at some point it will happen, I can say without a doubt, I hope it isn't for a very long time. I don't think that I could handle it right now as a student. And most likely not as a new grad. The hardest part was not the passing, the hardest part was the passing without family there to hold her hand as she left this world... how scary to die alone. It would be so terrifying.

A new Semester...

Walking into the classroom on the first day of the second semester was for a lack of a better expression, nerve racking. There was so many thoughts that were running through my mind. What was this semester going to bring? What information, if any, did the teacher have on me? Did the teacher have a preconceived idea of what kind of student I was? How much better was this semester going to be in terms of my personal life affecting my school work/studies?
I started to get more and more excited as I saw the information from the teachers. We jumped right into lecture and found that we were focusing on surgery. And I also find that I will be in the OR twice this semester! How great that is. With all that I didn't have to get a lot of books this semester, save some bucks.
So the next day was orientation at the hospital. We had all the normal paper stuff to go over which was a huge bore. We were supposed to go on the floor and start our first care plan. But our teacher decided against it. It was a miracle that I have the same hospital for rotation as I did last semester. I, along with two others, will have a one up on others in our group. We already have a relationship with the staff and know where everything is located. So in short, I think this is the semester that I can start over, and reinvent myself as a student.